Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
