I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
