omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
