4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
