I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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