I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
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