once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
it's like iHOP with fire
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Sext me about skeletons
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
