He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Semen is not good for contacts.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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