U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
