Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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