I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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