So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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