I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
