It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
