I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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