I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
