dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
