this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
