every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
