He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
