The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
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