lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
