Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
