so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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