she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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