before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
