It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
