When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
