So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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