I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
