I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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