At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
