i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
please come you make the beer taste better
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
