the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
