no, he came in my armpit
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
