my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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