A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
This girl is more easily done than said...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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