fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
