Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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