You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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