woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
