You can't special order awesome
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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