All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
