Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
