i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
