She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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