her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
