so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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