my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I have post one night stand depression
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