just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
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